TUESDAY NIGHT SYNDROME

Alert! Alert! Alert!

This is to inform the public of the endemic outbreak of a recently discovered neurological clinical correlate, related to preclinical students' elbows. It is a recently discovered collection of conditions connected by one thing - Wednesday. The disease was discovered jointly by Physiology and Histology lecturers who observed its extreme manifestation rates on Wednesdays. 

Tuesday night Syndrome, aptly named by one of its discoverers, Dr. Omotola Abdulmalik, seems to be psychosomatic in nature. Of course, the current understanding of its pathology is not the most comprehensive due to limited research. Though, to sate your academic curiosity, we have gone out of our way to get the limited information available.

So, here’s what we know, Tuesday Night Syndrome occurs due to an overload of stress hormones after the patient has had a sufficient amount of glucose. The glucose revitalizes the patient who is usually a medical student. When the medical student’s brain is revitalized, his cerebellum and cerebrum after collaborating realize that the days’ workload may be way more than is chewable in one normal reading night. This leaves them with two alternatives. 

Aforementioned medical student may make the logical choice to alter normal circadian rhythm and make a short trip to the hallowed ground, “the survival realm”. This is in a bid to finish the highly complicated biochemistry flavored brain food that would have been served earlier in the diurnal period. The second choice which is also somewhat more likely to cause complications, is to ignore it so it comes back every other week attempting to show the medical student that he’s the absolute worst.

Tuesday Night Syndrome is known to manifest in many people during Wednesday mornings, and not all those who seem to be showing symptoms of sleep actually have the condition. The test for Tuesday Night Syndrome is an interesting Wednesday morning lecture. It has proven particularly effective in showing sleep quality and using it as an indicator for Tuesday Night Syndrome. Although this is only a temporary measure and the test can be subject to interference by many other things because people lose sleep for diverse reasons. This includes reproductive physiology practical sessions, girlfriends, family emergencies, hunger, binge-ing of anything including but not limited to Netflix, movies, anime, series, novels, etc. Therefore, the test is not fool proof.

The best way found so far to treat TNS is to treat the symptoms. In other words, try to improve sleep quality (outside of lecture hours). When Tuesday Night Syndrome goes untreated, the symptoms proliferate and gradually increase in intensity till complications occur. Complications involve Slight mental health issues (or severe) and even worse, the loss of will to show up for classes. The second complication may lead to reading Greek in the exam hall after accepting what Dr. Ajani named “A Greek Gift” one too many times. The issue with the Greek complication is that it tends to bite everybody in the gluteus maximus eventually, which in turn leads to the gradual proliferation of TNS.

Right now, a cure has not been found and the illness is spreading rapidly in the lecture halls of the preclinical students. We can only hope that the infected will strengthen their psyche and fight back. We ask for your prayers and support through these tough times.

Salami Wisdom