A Look At The Bright Side Of The Darkness At ABH

As this sad and angry pressman sits in the darkness typing away furiously on his phone to bring you yet another tale of the unfair living conditions the residents of Alexander Brown Hall (ABH) are enduring, it dawns on him that his 6% battery power cannot be used to tell a story already told by Indypress and ABHPress. Dentatic Press joins the foray with this release and expects that UIMSA Press too will soon. This writer has decided to bring you the light in this darkness with, and I quote, "no end in sight." Let's look at the positives that this darkness has brought the residents of Alexander Brown Hall.

Firstly, it has improved the health conditions of the residents. Now, hear me out, everyone is complaining of mosquitoes and unwashed bathrooms and toilets being health hazards, but they fail to see the wonder that this darkness is doing to their health. During preclinical days, our lecturer always said something when we looked tired and lean, and it was always along the lines of, "All of you will reach ABH, and you will grow bigger." No truer words have been spoken. I dubbed this phenomenon the ABH hypertrophy mechanism. The way it works is really simple: every resident, male or female, has been forced at one point or another to carry buckets and kegs weighing at least 5kg for long distances. This prolonged blackout has further intensified this phenomenon; instead of a bucket-carrying workout twice in one week, now it is every day. I don't need to explain the benefits this has on health. This method is why all ABH residents look toned and fit. All the food they eat is being converted into muscle mass. Of course, there is the fact that the copium of many is volleyball, football, basketball, and running, but the main contributor to the remarkable cardiovascular health and physical wellness of ABH residents is the constant fetching of buckets and kegs of water daily. Don't believe me? Go to the gym and try to lift the 10kg weights; you will come to realize your buckets and kegs weigh more. Now, all you need to do is focused muscle group building, and you are set for the bodybuilding contest.

Another improvement is it has cut down on social media addiction among the residents of ABH. The blackout has created a state of constant low battery that has taught the ABH residents self-control. Now, instead of using their phones scrolling through social media, they save the batteries for their nighttime reading. While this has caused the withdrawal symptoms to become more obvious in some, it has created greater self-control in many. Hopefully, this attitude will continue if the power is ever restored. I doubt this will hold, though, seeing as I am constantly checking Instagram reels as I type. 

Finally, a great boon of this blackout is the unity it has created among the residents. This is evidenced by the Town Hall holding at 7 pm on November 7. Now, it must be noted that the demanding conditions of medical school cannot be endured alone; the blackout has united all residents in one common goal—not the goal of going through the same postings and not the goal of being in the same extracurricular activities. This blackout has broken all boundaries; all residents now relate with each other in a way like never before—after all, misery enjoys company.

With all that being said, this writer hopes to have been able to help you see the bright side of this blackout. In all honesty, this writer is just writing this to maintain a modicum of sanity because medical school cannot be draining me, and my room's darkness is draining me as well. My phone is now on 2%. I hope to see the light at the end of the tunnel at the town hall meeting, but I will remain cautious to ensure the light is not an incoming train.

Olajide Olamide