Types Of Love

Let's start with a little exercise—close your eyes and take a deep breath. Visualize with your mind's eye, inhale the air, and listen to the sounds around you. What do you see? What do you smell? What do you hear? A Web3 enthusiast will probably hear the sound of cryptocurrency falling and rising. A patriotic Nigerian will see a bright future for Nigeria, perhaps with themselves as the president. A brownite will likely say they see the same thing they've seen for the past 100 days—darkness—and then go on to say that the darkness has taken physical form, so much so that they can now smell it. Meanwhile, a romantic will insist they can see and smell love in the air.  

To this romantic, there are two pressing questions: How can anyone smell love in this hot, humid air mixed with the sweat of hard work and the tears of pain? The second question, which is the most important one, is what type of love are we talking about?  

Among the many forms love can take, there's one that stands apart. Agape love, otherwise known as Christian love, is the type that is neither sexual nor selfish. It is the kind of love that the Bible teaches. This is ideally the first kind of love everyone should experience. It exists between parents and child, among friends. It is even taught in Sunday schools as a topic. Agape love is something everyone experiences at one point or another, but it is often overlooked. It may not be a heart-pumping, pupil-dilating love, but it is powerful. Agape love doesn't have to be spoken; it can be demonstrated in everyday actions. Being conscious of agape love and practicing it can make the world a better place.  

Eros is romantic love, arguably the most popular type, thanks to media portrayal. It is passionate and often depicted as physical, involving intimacy, but it is more than that. It involves the emotional intimacy the partners feel—a deep longing for each other. It is that love that compels partners to share every detail of their lives. Eros involves the feeling of oneness. That all sounds beautiful, but Eros has its downside. Eros can be possessive and obsessive, burning intensely and sometimes destructive. Eros can be mistaken for lust. Eros can blur the line between healthy and unhealthy attachments. Eros can morph into Mania.  

That allows us to segue into the next type of love—Mania. Mania is a type of obsessive love that can cause imbalance and dependency. Mania is characterized by possessiveness and jealousy. Mania fosters a lack of self-esteem, fear of abandonment, or lack of boundaries. Mania can start as love at first sight, so take care the next time someone meets you and tells you that you are going to be their future spouse. Love can be terrifying.  

Philia is the type of love that manifests as deep friendship or brotherhood. It is the love you feel for family, friends, siblings, and colleagues you respect, those who share your values. Philia is that love between bros who have been through thick and thin together. Philia is that love between girls that makes them talk about everything and anything. Philia is that love that makes guys who haven't seen or spoken to each other in years immediately pick up their friendship like they were never separated. It is a love formed on bonds. It is deep, it is profound, and it is nigh unbreakable. Everyone needs a philiac lover.  

Ludus is also known as playful love. It is the beginning of love. Imagine Ludus this way—you meet someone for the first time, and you are comfortable with the person, not because of love at first sight but because of Ludus. It is the love that invites you to explore a relationship. It is the honeymoon stage of meeting someone. It involves flirtation (for those who can do that), teasing, and lighthearted fun. Ludus may eventually develop into Eros, but there is nothing quite like Ludus. Experiencing Ludus can restore a once-dead faith in love.  

Philautia is self-love, a form of love that is often overlooked. Humans are so dependent on other things for love that we fail to love ourselves. A father might work hard for the family he loves, yet forget the simple act of self-care which might make him feel loved. While there is nothing wrong with loving another person and being loved back, there is immense value in loving yourself. Being comfortable with the fact that at certain times in life, your love is all you need is a good thing. Philautia involves loving your body and mind. It encourages introspection and self-reflection to achieve the ideal version of yourself that you want to love. It is important not to let this self-love consume you to the point of obsession.  

There are many other types of love beyond those mentioned here, but that's to encourage you, dear reader, to find them out. Today is Valentine's Day, and it's worth reflecting on the kind of love you practice. Are you and your partner truly experiencing  Eros, or is it Mania, or another type of love not mentioned here? Will you be embracing  Philautia? Or perhaps you need to feel the light-hearted thrill of Ludus once again?  

To my romantic—love is in the air indeed. But tell me, what type of love are you feeling?  

Olajide Olamide