Prerequisites Of Being A Nigerian Writer: Madness Or Craziness — An Outlook On Fake News In The Past Nigerian Executive Administration (2015-2023)
"I'd rather wield my pen like the gifted literary ancestor, Achebe," you said.
To think he wasn't mad when he wrote The Trouble With Nigeria and There Was A Country is an unforgivable display of ignorance. He consistently showed he was mad at Nigeria's leadership, which is embedded with tribalism, favoritism, corruption, and indiscipline, among other social vices.
You continue reading articles, books, novels, speeches, poems, or whatever piece born of words. They leave your tongue rolling with hundreds of thousands of “mad o” affirming the fact that to be a writer, madness is a necessity.
But how?
When you read the first line of The Interpreters, Soyinka’s ticket to the Nobel Prize Laureate in literature: "Metal on concrete jars my drink lobes," which implied that Sagoe, the speaker was drunk, you couldn’t hold your tongue from confessing a "MAD O." Now, you visit Google.com, squinting past goggles as you type Five Easiest Ways To Become A Mad Writer.
My Nobel Prize Laureate where art thou?
A glance at Nearly all the men in Lagos are mad made your blood boil with anger.
“All these misandristic authors ehn, let me see the yeye that lies beneath this demonizing exercise of feminism," you said.
Cuck up: One night, you will calmly put a knife to your husband’s penis and promise to cut it off.
Wait, is that not madness?
You will go on to spend hours investigating and come to a conclusion that indeed nearly all the men in Lagos are mad, that the women are madder, and that Damilare Kuku, the author of the novel, is the maddest of them.
If you don’t believe me, visit Eloghosa Osunde, who alone can see the spiritual messenger of Eko, Tatafo, in the world of Vagabonds. Ghost?
A thorough adventure into The Secret Lives Of Baba Segi’s Wives will show you that there is more than meets the eye when it comes to desperation, the journey you are about to embark upon.
I must be a writer!
Do not forget about Soyinka’s The Trials of Brother Jero. Bro Jero is just like your previous spiritual father prophesying lies in place of truth and running a wide variety of under G works.
Just in front of your favourite newspaper, you see a brimming pot of lies…fake news.
BREAKING NEWS: POPULAR NIGERIAN PROPHET SEES NIGERIA AT THE BRINK OF DEATH
I see Nigeria no more. I see Nigeria break by the year 2015 – Prophet Jero
Shey na ceramics abi na glass?
Tell him ten years don waka and we still dey carry go, nobody waka…
"Wait, don’t you think this prophet is crazy?"
BREAKING NEWS: POPULAR NIGERIAN PROPHET SEES NIGERIA AT THE BRINK OF DEATH
I see Nigeria no more. I see Nigeria break by the year 2015 – Prophet Jero
Shey na ceramics abi na glass?
Tell him ten years don waka and we still dey carry go, nobody waka…
"Wait, don’t you think this prophet is crazy?"
Just when you decide to argue with a particular writer who wrote that "In writing, the wide gap between madness and craziness is like heaven and hell," you see the news of the year. Now, it is not in a newspaper but on your glorified tokunbo TV set gifted by a sweet-mouthed, potbellied politician who bought off your right to vote and your ticket to liberation. Don’t judge. Just ask those who refused his malnourished fowl for Christmas, what was their gain? They are probably the only ones entitled to good roads, unlimited water supply, free basic education, uninterrupted power supply, and the other non-existent goodies of life.
And here comes the news of the year 2022
FACE-OFF: FG VS ASUU
-The invincible ASUU embarks on a four-week nationwide warning strike.
“Wait, how e take drag am? Shey na by rope?”
And here comes the news of the year 2022
FACE-OFF: FG VS ASUU
-The invincible ASUU embarks on a four-week nationwide warning strike.
- After 6 months, ASUU declares the strike indefinite.
-The federal government of Nigeria drags an unyielding ASUU to the industrial court over several months of strike action.
“Wait, how e take drag am? Shey na by rope?”
Anyway, that is the least of your problems. Your problem should be with the integrity of the Nigerian judicial system.
NEWS FLASH: THE INDUSTRIAL COURT ORDERS ASUU TO RESUME WORK IMMEDIATELY.
“On what grounds?”
NEWS FLASH: THE INDUSTRIAL COURT ORDERS ASUU TO RESUME WORK IMMEDIATELY.
“On what grounds?”
Because chapter IV, sections 38, 39, 40, and 41 of the 1999 constitution are a fallacy.
NEWS FLASH:
-THE APPEAL COURT ORDERS THE TERTIARY ACADEMIC UNION TO RESUME IMMEDIATELY.
Because the Nigerian judicial system is not independent enough to bite the hand that feeds it.
FG TO DEVOUR ASUU, MOVES TO APPROVE BABY UNIONS, CONUA, NAMDA.
"What? Devour?"
Those who spread falsehood and still dare to write SAY NO TO FAKE NEWS.
-NO LIVE ROUNDS FIRED AT LEKKI TOLLGATE
Amnesty International stated that at least 12 unarmed protesters were killed during the shooting…
BUHARI REGIME LEADING GLOBAL EFFORT TO REGULATE SOCIAL MEDIA
- Nigeria's government indefinitely bans Twitter after the company deletes President Buhari’s perceived offensive tweet.
NEWS FLASH:
-THE COURT OF APPEAL ASKS BOTH PARTIES TO SETTLE OUT OF COURT.
-THE APPEAL COURT ORDERS THE TERTIARY ACADEMIC UNION TO RESUME IMMEDIATELY.
Because the Nigerian judicial system is not independent enough to bite the hand that feeds it.
FG TO DEVOUR ASUU, MOVES TO APPROVE BABY UNIONS, CONUA, NAMDA.
"What? Devour?"
You can’t help but wonder what part of the word "democracy" your leaders cannot spell. The fact that for all goods imported into the country, there is a made-in-Nigeria version also extends to democracy, which is practised as "dem crazy." When Abraham Lincoln defined democracy as the government of the people, by the people, and for the people, he wasn’t referring to a country whose constitution was drafted, supervised, and promulgated by military rulers, who now embrace wobbling agbadas, scream "we are civilians" while camouflaged streams of autocratic blood run through their veins.
Dem crazy! Which people are crazy?
Those who spread falsehood and still dare to write SAY NO TO FAKE NEWS.
FAKE NEWS
-NO LIVE ROUNDS FIRED AT LEKKI TOLLGATE
Amnesty International stated that at least 12 unarmed protesters were killed during the shooting…
BUHARI REGIME LEADING GLOBAL EFFORT TO REGULATE SOCIAL MEDIA
- Nigeria's government indefinitely bans Twitter after the company deletes President Buhari’s perceived offensive tweet.
- ECOWAS court declares Nigeria's Twitter ban unlawful.
NIGERIA WINNING WAR AGAINST TERRORISM, MINISTER INSISTS WAR AGAINST INSURGENCY LARGELY WON.
- Fear grips the nation’s capital as armed men attack Kuje prison, where about 900 inmates escape, including more than 60 Boko Haram suspects.
NIGERIA WINNING WAR AGAINST TERRORISM, MINISTER INSISTS WAR AGAINST INSURGENCY LARGELY WON.
- Fear grips the nation’s capital as armed men attack Kuje prison, where about 900 inmates escape, including more than 60 Boko Haram suspects.
Is Nigeria still a safe space?
THE GOVERNMENT IS WORKING SILENTLY.
- Eleven years on, more than 100 Chibok girls are still in captivity.
A SEVEN-MAN COMMITTEE HAS BEEN SET UP REGARDING THE PENDING ISSUE.
Are you kidding me?
FAKE STATEMENTS:
NO GOVERNMENT IN THE PAST DID WHAT WE ARE DOING WITH SUCH SCARCE RESOURCES… - 1ST OCT,2020
The crazy ones are here again!
NO GOVERNMENT SINCE 1999 HAS DONE WHAT WE HAVE DONE IN 6 YEARS TO PUT NIGERIA BACK ON THE TRACKS. WE SHALL CONTINUE TO SERVE THE COUNTRY, LISTEN TO ALL, AND PROTECT OUR DEMOCRACY – 1ST OCT, 2021
Not our cries of police brutality?
Should I also remind you that no regime has succeeded in incurring high-profile debts both locally and internationally like this past administration?
I SPEAK TO THE MILLIONS OF NIGERIANS, WHO BELIEVED IN ME, PROPELLED AND STOOD BY ME IN MY QUEST TO BEQUEATH A COUNTRY WHERE ALL CITIZENS HAVE EQUAL OPPORTUNITIES TO ACHIEVE THEIR LIVES' DESIRES IN A PEACEFUL ATMOSPHERE – 2ND OCT, 2022
Amidst the ASUU strike, the children of top Nigerian politicians graduate from foreign universities.
Now, the question is on whose side will you be? Madness or craziness?
A writer is someone who writes. Madness is when a Nigerian writer exclusively lives in different troubled souls to convey the conflicts in society. Craziness is when a Nigerian writer fabricates stories and spreads falsehood in the interest of politicians.
Abiona Michelle
THE GOVERNMENT IS WORKING SILENTLY.
- Eleven years on, more than 100 Chibok girls are still in captivity.
A SEVEN-MAN COMMITTEE HAS BEEN SET UP REGARDING THE PENDING ISSUE.
Are you kidding me?
FAKE STATEMENTS:
NO GOVERNMENT IN THE PAST DID WHAT WE ARE DOING WITH SUCH SCARCE RESOURCES… - 1ST OCT,2020
The crazy ones are here again!
NO GOVERNMENT SINCE 1999 HAS DONE WHAT WE HAVE DONE IN 6 YEARS TO PUT NIGERIA BACK ON THE TRACKS. WE SHALL CONTINUE TO SERVE THE COUNTRY, LISTEN TO ALL, AND PROTECT OUR DEMOCRACY – 1ST OCT, 2021
Not our cries of police brutality?
Should I also remind you that no regime has succeeded in incurring high-profile debts both locally and internationally like this past administration?
I SPEAK TO THE MILLIONS OF NIGERIANS, WHO BELIEVED IN ME, PROPELLED AND STOOD BY ME IN MY QUEST TO BEQUEATH A COUNTRY WHERE ALL CITIZENS HAVE EQUAL OPPORTUNITIES TO ACHIEVE THEIR LIVES' DESIRES IN A PEACEFUL ATMOSPHERE – 2ND OCT, 2022
Amidst the ASUU strike, the children of top Nigerian politicians graduate from foreign universities.
Peaceful atmosphere, you say?
Now, the question is on whose side will you be? Madness or craziness?
Glossary
A writer is someone who writes. Madness is when a Nigerian writer exclusively lives in different troubled souls to convey the conflicts in society. Craziness is when a Nigerian writer fabricates stories and spreads falsehood in the interest of politicians.
Abiona Michelle
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