THEY ARE ME

Never a day goes by that I don't think of the question that Mr. Petersburg posed to me in his class,

"What do you hope to be in the future?"

To be clear, he didn't exactly call my name or point at me to respond to the question; instead, he asked Jane. I stated it was me because I am capable of doing anything Jane does. At the end of each school year, Jane sings with the choir at the Christmas carol. She has been leading my class music group and I have seen her lead five carols; she will undoubtedly lead again this year. I have a beautiful voice, and I firmly believe that only my bathroom deserves to hear me sing. Michael, another classmate, plays the drums at the assembly. Kaosarat receives an A grade in further mathematics exams and tests every time. I pass my further mathematics test with distinctions at home under my supervision, and I can't even count the number of times I drum in my sleep before waking up with heavy hands.

All the things I said are simply me wanting you to know that my classmates are the perfect representation of who I am, they are my other half. In response to Mr. Petersburg's question, Jane stated that she wanted to be a pharmacist and went into great detail about what a pharmacist does, as well as how she would study diligently to get into one of the prestigious universities in the country. That's when I started fuming with anger because Jane was disparaging our potential and her statements made no sense.

"When she sings, why would she want to be a pharmacist? Why does she not aspire to become a cellist or a singer?" I questioned, but it seemed like Jane was preoccupied with answering Mr. Petersburg and ignoring me. I said 'cellist' because Jane plays the cello brilliantly! I play the cello too, in my dreams.

I was talking to her while seated at the back of the class, like I often do, to let her know that we are both a singer and a cellist rather than a pharmacist! I believe my voice wasn't loud enough since she was talking too quickly about an ambition that was completely alien to us. My rage was subdued by Kaosarat's future aspiration, an engineer.

I thought, smiling, "We could do that since we are skilled in further mathematics and physics," Only a few others followed the appropriate path for us, but the majority of them nearly drove me crazy. I gave Mr. Petersburg an amazing response when he eventually inquired about my future ambition. All eyes were on me when I spoke, which wasn't unusual for me.

"A cellist, a singer, an engineer, a mother, a father, a criminal defense attorney, a writer, a basketball player, an accountant, a history teacher, and so on," I said. Those were the few occasions when my other halves paid attention to me.

I'm still perplexed as to why Mr. Petersburg was unhappy with my response. Since he is like me, I tried to understand him, but I ended up getting a migraine in class. My parents were summoned to school after Mr. Petersburg reported me to the head teacher. Another referral note was written by the head teacher, and I was given another appointment with the school's psychologist.

And the sessions always started with "Do you take your medications as directed by your doctor? How do you feel right now?" It was once said to my mother by the school's psychologist that the difference between sanity and insanity is relatively large, what's that supposed to mean?

 I've never actually clashed with the school's psychologist, because what is the point of disagreeing with him? He is me! They are me!

Bello Taiwo Victoria